It has been a while, I didn't have much to say, my condition went in a downwards spiral being caused by a lot of stress. My daughter got married and I was to ill to fly to Europe and attend the wedding.
One day I woke up with a horrible case of vertigo but still life must go on even though I swaggered from left to right through the house steadying myself at the walls. It was so scary, I was totally disoriented and afraid. When I think back now I still get emotional about it. No one came to help me out, work was being done on the house, stuff needed to be organized for vacation and I was feeling like I was about to die. *sigh* What a mess! Reminded me of our move across the pond from France to Oregon. Same situation.
All kinds of other events were occurring that I needed to be responsible for and to be honest I had way too much on my plate to be able to execute that all. Still it needed to be done so what do you do? Yes, you function on adrenaline. And what happens when you function on adrenaline? Right again, you crash and burn. And boy did I crash and burn, not once not twice but over and over again. I knew I would have to pay dearly for that, I knew and still I went ahead. It's the sad state my life was/is in. W. was suppose to take this all off my hands but his work got suddenly an urgency that overruled all matters, or so it seemed.
Anyhow, we're back from a few days on the coast, I tried to stay in the reality and not dwell on what happened the last few weeks. It's over and done with an nothing I would do could change that, the future hasn't happened yet so I better enjoy myself today.
We or _I_ chose the Pacific coast in Washington State a small town called Westport.
View Larger Map
Reason I chose that is because cars are allowed on the beach which made it easy for me to drive my scooter onto the beach and enjoy the soft sand between my tootsies and the beach was a paradise for the dogs who could run off-leash and splash away. It was real quiet there we often had the beach to ourselves and didn't meet anyone.
Below; me on my scooter on the beach! You can see my hair has been falling out again and I'm almost bald. Boldy bald me! ;-)
Funny but after all these years of being ill I still miscalculate the amount of time I can sit in a car. I figured the drive to Westport was somehow doable and I didn't complain to W. but I was in excruciating pain when we arrived. The drive took about 4 hours and obviously too much for me.
I was out of my comfort zone but still was able to enjoy a lot of things, the beautiful beach, the no-allergies air, the walks/drives we took through the dunes etc. We were so busy doing things that I didn't get a chance to read the books I brought with me. Unfortunately the beds we slept on were horrible and it wasn't just me. W. complained about it too. After a few days he went to sleep on the living room pull-out bed/couch so I wouldn't be disturbed by his tossing and turning.
I took a break from my twice daily Heparin injections and the growth hormone injections, I just wanted to be able to enjoy myself for a change. Didn't notice much difference after stopping but I guess my blood will know ;-)
By carefully monitoring by energy levels we managed to have a relaxed schedule. breakfast on the balcony with the view of the sea, getting dressed, rest, than some activity, lunch and siesta for me. W. went swimming in the pool or for a run of the beach with mr.pup. than afternoon tea on the balcony and preparation for dinner. We bought the most lovely fresh tuna right of the boat and enjoyed that almost every day with a salad and a nice french bread. Than we would have after dinner coffee on the balcony, watch some tv, I would update my daily blog and off to bed.
A few pics with few from the balcony of our condo.
Our condo the last top floor left, and yes we had an elevator!
View to the right.
View to the left.
Sounds boring to a lot of people but it worked for me/us. Or at least I hope so. W. said he enjoyed the time together and I have to trust and believe that. It can't be fun having to slow down your life because your wife is seriously ill. I bet there are times he would love to have some action packed weekend or holiday.*sigh* but what can you do. I'm learning not to feel guilty about it, it's a slow and agonizing process.
Now we're home after a horrible drive back, I had to throw up a couple of times because I was in so much pain from sitting in the same position for some time. And with for some time I mean longer than 7 to 10 minutes.
The vertigo returned and I became disoriented, very scary. But I made it back home and I'm looking forward to spending some time alone, by myself to recover from all this. Somehow I don't believe that is going to happen, a whole list of to-do's was already waiting for me when I got home. Will have to figure out a way to get them done, I refuse to go back to the crash and burn method.
If you want to read more about what we did on vacation hop over to my vacation blog, Pacific Beach, I'm working on updating it because we had no Internet connection in the condo.
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One day I woke up with a horrible case of vertigo but still life must go on even though I swaggered from left to right through the house steadying myself at the walls. It was so scary, I was totally disoriented and afraid. When I think back now I still get emotional about it. No one came to help me out, work was being done on the house, stuff needed to be organized for vacation and I was feeling like I was about to die. *sigh* What a mess! Reminded me of our move across the pond from France to Oregon. Same situation.
All kinds of other events were occurring that I needed to be responsible for and to be honest I had way too much on my plate to be able to execute that all. Still it needed to be done so what do you do? Yes, you function on adrenaline. And what happens when you function on adrenaline? Right again, you crash and burn. And boy did I crash and burn, not once not twice but over and over again. I knew I would have to pay dearly for that, I knew and still I went ahead. It's the sad state my life was/is in. W. was suppose to take this all off my hands but his work got suddenly an urgency that overruled all matters, or so it seemed.
Anyhow, we're back from a few days on the coast, I tried to stay in the reality and not dwell on what happened the last few weeks. It's over and done with an nothing I would do could change that, the future hasn't happened yet so I better enjoy myself today.
We or _I_ chose the Pacific coast in Washington State a small town called Westport.
View Larger Map
Reason I chose that is because cars are allowed on the beach which made it easy for me to drive my scooter onto the beach and enjoy the soft sand between my tootsies and the beach was a paradise for the dogs who could run off-leash and splash away. It was real quiet there we often had the beach to ourselves and didn't meet anyone.
Below; me on my scooter on the beach! You can see my hair has been falling out again and I'm almost bald. Boldy bald me! ;-)
Funny but after all these years of being ill I still miscalculate the amount of time I can sit in a car. I figured the drive to Westport was somehow doable and I didn't complain to W. but I was in excruciating pain when we arrived. The drive took about 4 hours and obviously too much for me.
I was out of my comfort zone but still was able to enjoy a lot of things, the beautiful beach, the no-allergies air, the walks/drives we took through the dunes etc. We were so busy doing things that I didn't get a chance to read the books I brought with me. Unfortunately the beds we slept on were horrible and it wasn't just me. W. complained about it too. After a few days he went to sleep on the living room pull-out bed/couch so I wouldn't be disturbed by his tossing and turning.
I took a break from my twice daily Heparin injections and the growth hormone injections, I just wanted to be able to enjoy myself for a change. Didn't notice much difference after stopping but I guess my blood will know ;-)
By carefully monitoring by energy levels we managed to have a relaxed schedule. breakfast on the balcony with the view of the sea, getting dressed, rest, than some activity, lunch and siesta for me. W. went swimming in the pool or for a run of the beach with mr.pup. than afternoon tea on the balcony and preparation for dinner. We bought the most lovely fresh tuna right of the boat and enjoyed that almost every day with a salad and a nice french bread. Than we would have after dinner coffee on the balcony, watch some tv, I would update my daily blog and off to bed.
A few pics with few from the balcony of our condo.
Our condo the last top floor left, and yes we had an elevator!
View to the right.
View to the left.
Sounds boring to a lot of people but it worked for me/us. Or at least I hope so. W. said he enjoyed the time together and I have to trust and believe that. It can't be fun having to slow down your life because your wife is seriously ill. I bet there are times he would love to have some action packed weekend or holiday.*sigh* but what can you do. I'm learning not to feel guilty about it, it's a slow and agonizing process.
Now we're home after a horrible drive back, I had to throw up a couple of times because I was in so much pain from sitting in the same position for some time. And with for some time I mean longer than 7 to 10 minutes.
The vertigo returned and I became disoriented, very scary. But I made it back home and I'm looking forward to spending some time alone, by myself to recover from all this. Somehow I don't believe that is going to happen, a whole list of to-do's was already waiting for me when I got home. Will have to figure out a way to get them done, I refuse to go back to the crash and burn method.
If you want to read more about what we did on vacation hop over to my vacation blog, Pacific Beach, I'm working on updating it because we had no Internet connection in the condo.
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Hi
My name is Hege Renate and I am a ME sufferer from Norway.
I love your blog and are following it with RSS.
My blog is www.TiredofME.com and there you will find articles in both english and norwegian.
I would very much like you to follow my blog.
Hope to see you!