Luctor et Emergo

What do I think about every day?
Improving my quality of life! Being able to walk down my street with my dog to the park. I loved walking, especially in my neighborhood, meeting neighbors, making smalltalk. So never give up? I don't know. Right now I'm not feeling it.

Day 5 and no sleep whatsoever. How long can a human being go without sleep before collapsing all together? I tried to nap in the afternoon, my usual schedule from 2 - 6. Normally I have trouble waking up and would rather stay in bed than get up and have dinner. Not so now.
I take my medication, my body is exhausted but my brain is wired like a college girl on spring break. Before this nasty episode I would grab a book and read, now my eyes are too tired, are burning and have blurred vision. Annoying as hell! I want to sleep, my body wants to sleep my brain is on a merry-go-round.

On top of that the government in all it's wisdom has given the State of Oregon money to improve infrastructure and repair roads and highways. Great! Why they have to repair those roads with the most heavy material they could find always at night is beyond me, it's like having a car full of teenagers with a bass loudspeaker on full blast next to your window. Or so it seems. I have put in the most powerful earplugs I could find but still the whole house is vibrating on doing doing doing.....
Of course I know what they do the work at night but still is it unreasonable to ask for a couple of days of rest? People who are noise sensitive like me, who go insane when they hear the fridge go on and off all night, who can hear a clock ticking from the other side of the house, light bulbs buzzzzzing need some relief! It's enough stress and pressure to start thinking of everlasting silence. Really, it can drive you over the edge. So besides me not sleeping because my brain is reacting to some sort of chemical, there is also the road workers who making my nights a living hell!

I have now put in my noise cancellation headphones, real expensive ones that take the form of your ear and have put on my 'sleep' application on my iPhone. Thunderstorms and rain and will let it run all night if I need to. Hope it will help a bit.

Why can't I sleep? What is causing my brain to go haywire? What has changed? i can only lead it back to the start of some new medication called Isoprinosine, it's an immune stimulator. Isoprinosine has both immuno­modulation and antiviral properties, it increases the Natural Killer Cells and is especially helpful in the treatment of the Herpes family. HHV4/5/6 etc.

How it functions is written very clearly here, much better than I ever can, so hop over there and read up. What concerns me, besides the side effects is this phrase: "This immune modulator inhibits human herpes viruses and other infections by mimicking the effect of hormones produced by the thymus gland."
Right.... and everything that tries to activate, alter or even point at my non existing hormones always has driven me into depression and often made me even suicidal. Why I'm not exactly sure, I do know I did a gene test that proofed that yes I was indeed very sensitive to these kinds of medication.

Also it says and I quote; "Side effects: Unknown, although any type of hormone or hormone analog supplementation can be hazardous."

So it's a fine line I have to walk, is the insomina, the wired brain and slight depression acceptable for using Isoprinosine? Do the negatives outweigh the benefits? And what benefits can I expect anyhow? Up till now I have only felt worse than the weeks before. I didn't know that that was possible but apparently yes, it is.

I'm so sick and tired of trying out medication and only feeling worse. I all these years I have never come across a medication that helped me feel better or lessened my pain or even my mood. I'm really really bone tired and am getting discouraged by the lack of progress.

I'm off to be now and hope I can get a few hours of sleep. Just a few that's all I ask. 5 days without sleep is just too much. Maybe should start thinking of using either marijuana or Xyrem. At least with MJ I would have some fun along the way ;-)

Wish me luck. ;-)

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