As you probably will have noticed the protocol I was about to embark on in February has not been an overwhelming success.
In the past few months I have gone through some very traumatic times and still am grieving very much.
The dog I mentioned in my earlier post, my therapy dog, my friend and confident, my sole reason for getting out off bed in the morning was diagnosed shortly after my last entry with Lymphoma cancer.
Her treatment consisted out of keeping her as comfortable and happy as possible because she already was in an advanced stage. Although I cared for her with all my love and it wasn’t any trouble at all it took all the energy I had and I was too exhausted to take good care of myself. I tried very hard to keep her alive and with me but she died on May 8th. I was the hardest thing I ever had to do and that I have ever experienced.
Pets unlike humans will give you unconditional love, no matter what you look like or how ill you are or how much you can or can not do.
She often was my sole comforter, I cried billions of buckets of tears in her fur during her 13 years with me. Shortly after she came to me as a puppy I became so ill that I had to stop working and together we went through a lot. She was always waiting for me when I came home form yet another useless dr’s visit, in tears and disappointed, her tail wagging and so happy to see me. I would make a cuppa tea and we would sit in the yard throwing a ball or frisbee and the world would seem okay for a while again. She kept me grounded and alive.
Now that she’s gone I feel lost, alone and no reason to get up anymore, there are no words enough to tell you how much I miss her. Everything that was wrong in my life she made right, now that she’s gone the things that were wrong present themselves with a raw reality and I have to face them alone, without her her comforting me.
When she was dying I promised her during our many human/dog conversations that I would do all that was in my power to get better, to improve my quality of life. She was holding on to life with all that she could because she didn’t want to leave me, I think she knew how much I needed and depended on her. I promised her and told her it was okay to let go that I would be alright and I would take care of myself.
And than she was gone.....
And I woke up the next day in tears, not knowing HOW on earth I had to take care of myself when there was absolutely no reason at all anymore to go on.
It has taken me almost 5 months to get the courage to see another physician and to give it another try. I’m still full of doubt, I don’t know why I keep trying, afraid to be disappointed again and also fully aware of the fact that this is probably going to be my last attempt to try yet another miracle cure. I’m so tired of all the miracle cures, to start over again and again and again..... But the alternative is giving up and I promised her I wouldn’t do that. So this is for you sweet face, I’m keeping my promise!
In the past few months I have gone through some very traumatic times and still am grieving very much.
The dog I mentioned in my earlier post, my therapy dog, my friend and confident, my sole reason for getting out off bed in the morning was diagnosed shortly after my last entry with Lymphoma cancer.
Her treatment consisted out of keeping her as comfortable and happy as possible because she already was in an advanced stage. Although I cared for her with all my love and it wasn’t any trouble at all it took all the energy I had and I was too exhausted to take good care of myself. I tried very hard to keep her alive and with me but she died on May 8th. I was the hardest thing I ever had to do and that I have ever experienced.
Pets unlike humans will give you unconditional love, no matter what you look like or how ill you are or how much you can or can not do.
She often was my sole comforter, I cried billions of buckets of tears in her fur during her 13 years with me. Shortly after she came to me as a puppy I became so ill that I had to stop working and together we went through a lot. She was always waiting for me when I came home form yet another useless dr’s visit, in tears and disappointed, her tail wagging and so happy to see me. I would make a cuppa tea and we would sit in the yard throwing a ball or frisbee and the world would seem okay for a while again. She kept me grounded and alive.
Now that she’s gone I feel lost, alone and no reason to get up anymore, there are no words enough to tell you how much I miss her. Everything that was wrong in my life she made right, now that she’s gone the things that were wrong present themselves with a raw reality and I have to face them alone, without her her comforting me.
When she was dying I promised her during our many human/dog conversations that I would do all that was in my power to get better, to improve my quality of life. She was holding on to life with all that she could because she didn’t want to leave me, I think she knew how much I needed and depended on her. I promised her and told her it was okay to let go that I would be alright and I would take care of myself.
And than she was gone.....
And I woke up the next day in tears, not knowing HOW on earth I had to take care of myself when there was absolutely no reason at all anymore to go on.
It has taken me almost 5 months to get the courage to see another physician and to give it another try. I’m still full of doubt, I don’t know why I keep trying, afraid to be disappointed again and also fully aware of the fact that this is probably going to be my last attempt to try yet another miracle cure. I’m so tired of all the miracle cures, to start over again and again and again..... But the alternative is giving up and I promised her I wouldn’t do that. So this is for you sweet face, I’m keeping my promise!
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