Have not been keeping up the blogging thing. I have been feeling rotten, isolated and started to have a pity party. Every now and than one needs to have a pity party cause no-one else will do it for you ;-) Instead of writing about I withdraw into my own introvert world and try to deal with it.
Depressed, down, treatment not making any progress at all, one year anniversery of the death of my heart and soul dog Gwen. God, I miss her so much. I still believe she will come out of her crate any minute or see her in familiar places. I miss the way she always comforted me, how we would lay on the bed snuggled, her soft silky fur going through my painful fingers and how she would push her back into my tummy trying to get as close as possible. Those soft sensitive ears with the silky fringe that I keep in a box in my drawer, the fringe not the ears of course ;-)
I miss her in so many ways, the unconditional love that she gave me for 12 years, I miss that the most. Because lets face it, humans are not capable of giving unconditional love like that, there's always a hidden agenda with humans, whether that is you spouse, a child or a friend, it doesn't matter. It's my experience that humans are not capable of giving that without expecting anything in return.
I love Fynn, our new pup very much, he's a wonderful dog in his own way. I just don't have that spiritual connection (yet) with him that I had with Gwen. Maybe it will grow, I don't know, right now my yearning for that connection is big and I miss it. Especially when you are living far away from family, old friends and being isolated like I am, a special bond like that with a dog can make a world of difference.
This flu thing is still making it's rounds so I am still on house arrest, no public places for me yet.
The Heparin injections are going fairly well I'm now onto 2 daily 2000 units which still isn't much, normal range is 5000 units 2 x daily. Only thing I noticed is the blue bruises where I inject myself and the nose bleed that wouldn't stop yesterday. Bright almost fluorescent red blood was pouring out of my nose like it was the Columbia river on it's way to the Pacific! I finally managed to stop it with an icepack, so we know the Heparin is doing its job.
The Human Growth Hormone injections are going every other day and the Energy(Glutathione/B12/B6/Folic Acid) are on every day, yay! Not really Yay! because they are horrible painful injections, I'm still not used to that and when your whole body is hurting a small injection can send you over the edge.
The results of my 21 vials/tubes of blood test will be in by now and I'm curious to see if some things improved. My Epstein Barr reading was 1:11000 instead it the normal range of 1:10. Nasty buggers!
Well that's my update for now, I'm working on some new artsy projects to feed my spiritual side, at least the weather is beautiful. But for someone with photo sensitivity like me you have to stay inside or pay for it dearly with a hyper immune system reaction. Everything outside looks so much nicer though and people are happier as well.
I guess we all ME/CFIDS people are waiting what the FDA will do about the Ampligen medication. Will they allow it as first treatment for ME/CFIDS or not?
We wait and see. Personally I think all this waiting ans creating suspense is driving up the Ampligen stock like crazy and I don't think that is ethical. But who would suspect the FDA to be ethical right? No one in their right mind would think so. After all the people actually making the decisions are all on the boards of the big pharmaceutical companies, it's only logical they will try to drive up the stock price. The FDA almost sucks as bad as the CDC, and don't get me started on the CDC and ME/CFIDS! ;-)
All this excitement is not good for me, I'm off my high horse now and back to my crate ;-) G'nite you all.
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Depressed, down, treatment not making any progress at all, one year anniversery of the death of my heart and soul dog Gwen. God, I miss her so much. I still believe she will come out of her crate any minute or see her in familiar places. I miss the way she always comforted me, how we would lay on the bed snuggled, her soft silky fur going through my painful fingers and how she would push her back into my tummy trying to get as close as possible. Those soft sensitive ears with the silky fringe that I keep in a box in my drawer, the fringe not the ears of course ;-)
I miss her in so many ways, the unconditional love that she gave me for 12 years, I miss that the most. Because lets face it, humans are not capable of giving unconditional love like that, there's always a hidden agenda with humans, whether that is you spouse, a child or a friend, it doesn't matter. It's my experience that humans are not capable of giving that without expecting anything in return.
I love Fynn, our new pup very much, he's a wonderful dog in his own way. I just don't have that spiritual connection (yet) with him that I had with Gwen. Maybe it will grow, I don't know, right now my yearning for that connection is big and I miss it. Especially when you are living far away from family, old friends and being isolated like I am, a special bond like that with a dog can make a world of difference.
This flu thing is still making it's rounds so I am still on house arrest, no public places for me yet.
The Heparin injections are going fairly well I'm now onto 2 daily 2000 units which still isn't much, normal range is 5000 units 2 x daily. Only thing I noticed is the blue bruises where I inject myself and the nose bleed that wouldn't stop yesterday. Bright almost fluorescent red blood was pouring out of my nose like it was the Columbia river on it's way to the Pacific! I finally managed to stop it with an icepack, so we know the Heparin is doing its job.
The Human Growth Hormone injections are going every other day and the Energy(Glutathione/B12/B6/Folic Acid) are on every day, yay! Not really Yay! because they are horrible painful injections, I'm still not used to that and when your whole body is hurting a small injection can send you over the edge.
The results of my 21 vials/tubes of blood test will be in by now and I'm curious to see if some things improved. My Epstein Barr reading was 1:11000 instead it the normal range of 1:10. Nasty buggers!
Well that's my update for now, I'm working on some new artsy projects to feed my spiritual side, at least the weather is beautiful. But for someone with photo sensitivity like me you have to stay inside or pay for it dearly with a hyper immune system reaction. Everything outside looks so much nicer though and people are happier as well.
I guess we all ME/CFIDS people are waiting what the FDA will do about the Ampligen medication. Will they allow it as first treatment for ME/CFIDS or not?
We wait and see. Personally I think all this waiting ans creating suspense is driving up the Ampligen stock like crazy and I don't think that is ethical. But who would suspect the FDA to be ethical right? No one in their right mind would think so. After all the people actually making the decisions are all on the boards of the big pharmaceutical companies, it's only logical they will try to drive up the stock price. The FDA almost sucks as bad as the CDC, and don't get me started on the CDC and ME/CFIDS! ;-)
All this excitement is not good for me, I'm off my high horse now and back to my crate ;-) G'nite you all.
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