Hectic and not on my regular schedule.
Always confusing and distrupting, but we're trying to go with the flow. Today is Friday and that means weekend is up. I used to like weekends now they’re just disruptive.
As a M.E/CFIDS person one needs a schedule or at least I and some of my online friends swear by a regular schedule. If you don't, you more than often end up doing too much and paying for it dearly. Like now. Typing is difficult, I type the wrong letter in the wrong place and thank god for spellcheckers. I'm just too tired and wired and should go lie down, but I want to keep my blog up now that I'm writing again.
So weekends are disruptive, we sleep in, have breakfast too late, I get to have my siesta too late and than dinner is at 8:00 PM or 9:00 PM still on French time. I know I could hold on to my schedule but my weekends are for my hubby, he already has enough on his plate dealing with a spouse with a chronic illness, the least I can do is try to let the weekends be as they were before I got so ill, wayyyyyyyy back many many moons ago when I did not have to live like I was a 106 y.o.
Well, the decision has been made. I can not attend my daughters wedding. I know, I know, dr. V. told me that months ago but still I tried very hard to get better and inside you hope against everything that he is wrong. But he wasn't, when he told me I was a very very sick person I kind of looked at him in disbelieve. No dr. ever told me I was very very ill, they didn't even believe me when I told my symptoms and struggles to stay alive. When they tell you It's All In Your Head (IAIYH) often enough you start believing it yourself a tiny bit. So I guess it needed time to sink in what dr. V. told me. It scared the shit out of me of course, and for a while I ran around not knowing what to do to make it all better in an instant. But alas, what was build up in more than 30 years can't be cured overnight, and patience is a virtue. Not my strongest point though.
I wanted to go and be at her wedding so much! Doesn't every mother? Of course it hurts and I've cried my eyes out but I'm not concentrating on that anymore. If she would know that I would be very sad and crying it would spoil her happy day and that's not what I want, so forget me missing that day and lets focus on making her day the happiest day of her life. She will have loads of friends and family there, her father will be there and it will take away some stress also. There was a bit of uncomfortable feelings from people who haven't seen me since she was a tiny baby and there was hesitation from their side if they were going to attend or not, well now they can. ;-)
Of course she was sad, but being her mother's daughter she said she saw it coming and it wasn't a surprise I wasn't cured overnight. A 12 hour flight, plus hours of check-in and security plus jet lag and mix in airplanes being breeding nests of viruses and bacteria, stress of meeting someone who abused me, add all that up and it's a recipe for a disaster waiting to happen.
They anticipated that I wouldn't be able to be there are will make a video so I can watch it later and we will video chat online of course when she gets dressed in her gown so I can 'kind of' be there.
I hope the flu pandemic will have fizzled out before their honeymoon to Aruba. it was our surprise gift to them, a once in a lifetime romantic holiday!
All in all I had much to deal with lately, it all starts falling into place again and I hope we will have no more surprises or crisis'. ;-)
Time for my injections, g'nite all.
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Always confusing and distrupting, but we're trying to go with the flow. Today is Friday and that means weekend is up. I used to like weekends now they’re just disruptive.
As a M.E/CFIDS person one needs a schedule or at least I and some of my online friends swear by a regular schedule. If you don't, you more than often end up doing too much and paying for it dearly. Like now. Typing is difficult, I type the wrong letter in the wrong place and thank god for spellcheckers. I'm just too tired and wired and should go lie down, but I want to keep my blog up now that I'm writing again.
So weekends are disruptive, we sleep in, have breakfast too late, I get to have my siesta too late and than dinner is at 8:00 PM or 9:00 PM still on French time. I know I could hold on to my schedule but my weekends are for my hubby, he already has enough on his plate dealing with a spouse with a chronic illness, the least I can do is try to let the weekends be as they were before I got so ill, wayyyyyyyy back many many moons ago when I did not have to live like I was a 106 y.o.
Well, the decision has been made. I can not attend my daughters wedding. I know, I know, dr. V. told me that months ago but still I tried very hard to get better and inside you hope against everything that he is wrong. But he wasn't, when he told me I was a very very sick person I kind of looked at him in disbelieve. No dr. ever told me I was very very ill, they didn't even believe me when I told my symptoms and struggles to stay alive. When they tell you It's All In Your Head (IAIYH) often enough you start believing it yourself a tiny bit. So I guess it needed time to sink in what dr. V. told me. It scared the shit out of me of course, and for a while I ran around not knowing what to do to make it all better in an instant. But alas, what was build up in more than 30 years can't be cured overnight, and patience is a virtue. Not my strongest point though.
I wanted to go and be at her wedding so much! Doesn't every mother? Of course it hurts and I've cried my eyes out but I'm not concentrating on that anymore. If she would know that I would be very sad and crying it would spoil her happy day and that's not what I want, so forget me missing that day and lets focus on making her day the happiest day of her life. She will have loads of friends and family there, her father will be there and it will take away some stress also. There was a bit of uncomfortable feelings from people who haven't seen me since she was a tiny baby and there was hesitation from their side if they were going to attend or not, well now they can. ;-)
Of course she was sad, but being her mother's daughter she said she saw it coming and it wasn't a surprise I wasn't cured overnight. A 12 hour flight, plus hours of check-in and security plus jet lag and mix in airplanes being breeding nests of viruses and bacteria, stress of meeting someone who abused me, add all that up and it's a recipe for a disaster waiting to happen.
They anticipated that I wouldn't be able to be there are will make a video so I can watch it later and we will video chat online of course when she gets dressed in her gown so I can 'kind of' be there.
I hope the flu pandemic will have fizzled out before their honeymoon to Aruba. it was our surprise gift to them, a once in a lifetime romantic holiday!
All in all I had much to deal with lately, it all starts falling into place again and I hope we will have no more surprises or crisis'. ;-)
Time for my injections, g'nite all.
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