It all started after the first good couple of days, I could walk a bit to my kitchen and fetch stuff from a shelf. Than after a day or 3 I woke up in the middle of the night with a racing pounding heart it took 2 tablets of 10mg to slow down that heart beat. After a couple of hours I fell back asleep and woke up the next morning feeling like I been hit with a baseball bat and I started like usual with 1 tablet Propranonlol. I sat on my bed waiting for the meds to kick in which did not happen and I had again take 2 tablets before the rate was low enough to proceed.
I discovered I don't have a problem while sitting down doing some reading or digital artwork on my computer but the moment I try to get up, the heart will start fluttering, my BP is so low or drops to very low and I pass out. I can't even walk to the kitchen anymore, from my room to my office, which is just a few steps, is nearly impossible. I take/shuffle 2 steps out of the door totally exhausted, like there is a heavy blanket on you and the 'real world', lean with my head against the wall in the halllway so I can make the turn into my room. By now W. is with my assisting me to safely make it to my bed and oh horror I forgot I had to pee so a new trip need to be undertaken. All the while my heart is feeling like it is going to stop, going on strike, not doing it any longer. It's fed up. It had enough.
And that are just the physical symptoms which are basically just the opposite of what it should be doing. That is so often the case with meds that I take it's not even funny anymore.
Than there are the psychiatric symptoms, like depression, suicide, anger, anxiety, sadness, grief, spaced out. Just staring for an hour into nothing, thinking nothing at all. Inability to focus on a subject, my newsletters and because I can't focus I also can not do my beloved new hobby, making digital memory books.
Life becomes even more empty and my world smaller.
Less side effects are constant nausea, abdominal pain, a nasty rash/itch, dry burning eyes, changing vision etc. The tremor that I had and what gave me problems with photography did not go away like they promised, instead it became twice as bad.
I had such high hopes for the Beta Blockers, I was hoping on a bit of quality of life improvement. Instead it renders me even more disabled. I have no idea how to stop using them. Getting off them is as difficult as stopping an addiction to Valium. The warning says: do not stop these medication, this can gave serious consequences like a heart attack, stroke or severe Arrythmia I seriously wish I never started them, messing with your heart function is dangerous and I do wonder why most medication have an opposite effect on me.
Sorry this entry is such a bummer, I wish it was different. I would have loved to write every day entries but as it was I was lying on my bed staring of into lala-land. Hope to have some input from my doc tomorrow. Will post more if I do.
# # #
Tink 09/2012
(0) Comments