Risk more than others think is safe, care more than others think is wise, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible.
I try to life like that and every now and than it turns around and slaps me into my face. It lets me know that I might indeed expect too much and that all that dreaming leads to nothing. But I am learning more and more every day how important it is to care myself as if I was my own best friend. And yes, I do risk a lot and no it’s not safe, but what choice do I have?
I have been floating between not conscious living and being aware of what is going on and actually feeling things.
After the test showed why I couldn’t make growth hormone and glutathione, we decided to start with Growth Hormone injections and later in the week ‘Energy’ injections. I put ‘Energy’ between quotes because the name doesn’t cover the work it does. It does everything BUT giving me energy.
W. my beloved mate, has been so brave to give me the injections, a guy who turns his head away as soon as there are needles shown on tv. I owe him big time! The Growth Hormone injections are easy peasy with a pen, the ‘energy’ injections need to be assimilated in a syringe and given with a ‘real’ needle every other day. They hurt like hell, but I will not tell him or show him because I don’t want him to be afraid of hurting me. It has to be done so I’ll just grind my teeth, take deep breaths and play ‘mind over matter’.
A few days into it and I started to have numb finger tips. I didn't think too much of it because I had numb soles of my feet for a while and we thought they were MS symptoms which we never really followed up on.
Than a few days later I started to get inflamed joints, and Carpal Tunnel Syndrome pains, by now my whole under arms and hands are numb, first right and now also left. Did some research(of course) and found that people with HIV and treated with also growth hormone before they start treatment also complained about the same side effects as I have. We need Growth Hormone to enhance the production of natural killer cells to fight of the infections.
Scary part is that these symptoms do not go always once you stop the injections. Your bones and muscles grow thanks to the growth hormone and thus leave less room for nerves and they get compressed. Jay, now I found a logical explanation and I start to wonder why my physician didn't warn me for this???
Seems not everyone who takes growth hormones has the same side effects, some people go up a ring size and a shoe size. That explains the 'growing pains'. Another side effect seems to be that people who took growth hormones developed Leukemia. Scary!
The ‘energy’ injections are Glutathione, B12, B6 and Folinic acid. Normally one would say that B12 and 6 should give energy, not so in my body. I’m detoxing heavily. I’m drinking as much as possible and hope to keep detox damage at bay.
Right now, typing with numb fingers is difficult if not painful. Imagine coming from the dentist with your jaw numb, but than in your underarms and hands... Got the picture?
I emailed dr. V. hope he has some really good ideas about this, at the moment my itty little bit quality of life that I had is going rapidly downwards. I need _someone_ to save me.
The image above is from my talented mac colleague Vlad. Vlad makes wonderful images, the low resolution versions are free for you to download for your desktop/wall paper. Please pay him a visit at Vlad's Studio's
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